8 Months Later…

I cant believe it’s been so long since my last entry.  Time has really flown by!

I’ve lost 140lbs!  I’m now between a 14 and 16 in jeans.   I’m not really in a writing mood so I’ll just post some updated pics.  🙂

A wedding I was in on Nov 7th 2009

Halloween 2009

Halloween 2009

Halloween 2009

Lucerne Valley New Years weekend - Jan 2010

First time ever shooting a gun!

Re-connected with a friend I hadnt seen since High School

Thanksgiving 2009 with my sister Kristin

3 Months Later – Never Happier!

Wow a lot has changed.  I’m a little over a week late on this 3 month update.  Oh well.

I never went to get therapy.  I got over all the weird issues pretty quick.  I think I was just emotional from the quick changes but I’m totally fine now.  I have no issues with food.  I’m finally able to get in all my water, protein and vitamins everyday.  My rules are no sugar, stay away from carbs as much as possible and no greasy high fat foods.  So far so good.

I’ve lost 90lbs!  Yep I said 90!  I’ve never felt better.  Life is amazing right now.  I’m enjoying every minute of it and I have no regrets at all about getting this surgery.

I still need to lose another 98lbs but I’ll get there in time.  I’m loving my new body more and more.  It’s strange because I walk, stand and sit different.  Sometimes it feels weird.  I no longer have knee, back and ankle pains.  I’m going through clothes really fast which is good and bad.  Good because it’s just awesome to keep buying smaller clothes but bad because it can be expensive.  It’s too hard for me to spend 40-50 bucks on a shirt when I’m only going to wear it a few times and then have to give it away.  So $10 t-shirts from Old Navy are getting me by right now.  And I’m getting my jeans at Ross.  I found a pair of my favorite bootleg jeans there in my new size on clearance for $7!

Thats pretty much it for this update.  I’m doing really well and have never been happier!  Now for some updated pics.

82lbs lost

With my sister and mother having a girls day at a salon in Mission Bay

@ the gym – 90lbs lost! – Pre Workout

Post Work out (I go everyday after work!)

On the way home feeling good after a hard workout

@ Philippe’s before going to the Dodger game yesterday

With my parents @ the Dodger game for my fathers 55th birthday!

I didnt think I would need therapy

I’m not going to get into details but there is a reason I am fat thats beyond the fact that I loved food and eating out.  This fat suit served a purpose.  It kept people away.  I was in control of who I let past the walls I have up around me and I didnt have to deal with men hitting on me.

Since I’ve back to work this week I’ve been bombarded with compliments.  At first they made me feel good.  I was happy that people had noticed the difference in my appearance.  Especially since I dont see the changes that much.

I cant walk around at work anywhere without someone stopping me to tell me how great I look or how pretty I am.  At first it made me smile but now its making me cry.  I dont know what to say.  I’m not used to this sort of attention.  I don’t really know how to react to it.

A guy at work (who I’ve know for a couple of years now) told me he thinks I’m really pretty.  He’s always told me this though.  Its not just because Ive lost the weight.  But finally he asked me when we were going to hang out.  I dont remember what I said but he got the hint that I wasnt interested.  So later in the day when I saw him again he called me pretty girl.  I must have given him a weird look because he came over and whispered to me… “you dont know how to handle all the attention you’re getting, do you?”  I almost cried.  It was really hard to hold back the tears.  I was honest and told him absolutely not and that everytime someone says something nice I want to run away and cry.  Then later on today some friends were telling me how happy they are that I finally got the surgery and how good I look and I started crying.

I just cant handle the compliments.  I totally broke today.  There was lots of drama at work so that might have something to do with it.  Maybe I’m just really stressed out.  All I know is that it makes me terribly sad that I’m 31 years old and crying when people tell me I’m pretty.  I should be excited and happy but I’m not.

I’m scared.

I think I might need therapy to help get me through this.

6 Weeks Post Op

So I’m sitting at my desk sipping on my vitamins.  Yeah thats right.  I said SIPPING on my vitamins!  Celebrate Vitamins now has a Multivitamin with Calcium flavor packet to put in a bottle of water.  Just like a packet of crystal lite.  This is really exciting for me because it’s been really hard for me to gag down my vitamins.  Ever since I had surgery they are just too sweet.  Totally crazy, I know.  My vitamins are like sugary candy and my tastebuds just dont like them.  So this is a great alternative for me.  Now I can drink two of these and then have 2 lemon calcium chews from Bariatric Advantage and one chewble iron and then I’m set for the day.  Before I was taking 2 chewable calcium and 1 chewable multi in the morning.  An iron and B12 in the afternoon.  Then another 2 calcium and 1 multi in the evening.  Totally ridiculous how many I have to take.  By the way, the lemon calcium chews taste just like lemon starburst.

So anyone else thats pre or post op, check out both BariatricAdvantage.com and CelebrateVitamins.com.  You’ll love the products they have.  Oh and BA is also coming out with an Iron chewy in Chocolate Raspberry.  Cant wait for that to come out so I can stop taking the chewable.

Anyway, so I’m now 6 weeks post op.  Man it went by SO fast!  It’s been such an exciting journey.  Although I cant see much of a difference everyone around me keeps saying I look different.  I’ve now lost a total of 53lbs!  How rad is that!

Today was my first day back at work and I never felt better.  Everyone was excited to see me and kept telling me how great I looked and what I little face I have now.  Which is odd because I think I have a big head.  LOL  But my double chin is much smaller now.  Since I dont see the difference in myself I was really afraid of going back to work and having people snicker “um I thought she was having WLS.  What happened?”  But it was totally the opposite.  Such a great feeling to know that people see the hard work is paying off now.  And some of the guys were saying they like my new hourglass figure.  SWEET!

So this past weekend two of my favorites got married.  FINALLY!  Here are a couple pics.

4th of July

And 2 of just me on 4th of July.

Thats it for now.  I’m hoping by next week I’ll be down 60lbs!  Cross your fingers for me!  🙂

4 weeks Post Op

I don’t really have a whole lot to say.  I’m still not losing weight.  Its REALLY frustrating.  Actually it’s pretty damn depressing.  Mentally it’s hard to except the fact that I’m only eating 12oz of food a day (thats three 4oz meals) and the scale isnt moving, AT ALL.

I’ve lost 44lbs which is great but not good enough.  After losing 3lbs a day for the first 2 weeks it sort of puts you on a high.  You expect it to keep going but then it stops and it really messes with you mentally.

Ok enough of that.  So I never posted the before pics.  I’ll do that now and I also have the 1 month post op pics.

05/29/09

6 small incisions

1 month post op.  44lbs lost

So thats it for this update.  I’m still on soft/pureed foods.  Cross your fingers for me that the scale starts moving down again before I lose my mind over it.

3 Weeks Post Op and Totally Frustrated

So this past week has been depressing.  I’ve lost a total of 40lbs which is great.  I’m really happy about that but its still been a bad week.

I saw my surgeon on Friday for my first follow up since my surgery and he said I’m doing really well.  My incisions are healing up very well and my weight loss is ahead of normal.  Good news.  The only problem is since I didnt take it easy like they told me the first couple of weeks, I had hurt my left side.  He said he believes that I may have torn or strained one of my incisions on the inside which would have caused it to bleed.  The blood would have ran down the muscle and thats what is causing me such terrible pain.  I mean like it feels like someone is tearing the muscle when I laugh, sneeze, cough or move certain ways.  He said it’s not a hernia like I had thought it might be.  So that was also good news.

My biggest issue right now is that the scale hasnt moved in a week.  It’s just completely stopped.  I know I shouldn’t freak out because hell I lost 40 lbs and had I not had this surgery that wouldnt have happened so quick and I would have just gained it back a month later.  So I should be happy.  I know this but I’m not.  I am beating myself up over it and I know I shouldnt be.  But hell the scale is not moving!  Do you know how crazy that makes me feel?

I dont feel any changes.  40lbs sounds like a lot of weight but when youre as big as I am, 40lbs hasnt made a difference in the way I look or feel.  My clothes are slightly baggy now but not enough to go down a size.  I look the same.  I feel the same.  So it just SUCKS.

The only reason I can think of that the scale is not moving is because I am now on soft/pureed foods.  I am no longer doing strictly liquids.  So I’m thinking my body is freakin out and storing everything I put into it thinking that I’m going to starve it with chicken broth again.  But shit I figured after a week it the scale would start moving again.  Especially since I started walking everyday.  Nope, I was totally wrong.

I’m not getting in enough water and food each day.  So that might be playing a big part in all of this.  64oz of water is what we should be getting in a day and I’m only getting in 20.  30 on a really good day.  And as for food… well my stomach doesn’t like protein drinks.  She gets really cranky when I drink them so I’m only getting protein by food and with a stomach this small its impossible to get in anymore than 30 grams of protein a day (should be getting 60 to 80) and I’m not even getting in that much.  On a good day maybe 20!  It’s been a real struggle.  And it doesn’t help when you’re never hungry.  So I often forget to eat.  And when I say often I really mean almost always.  I should be having 6 little meals a day but I’m getting in 2.  Sometimes 3 if I really pay attention.

So this hasnt been easy.  And anyone that has the nerve to tell me I took the easy way out by having this surgery has no fucking clue.  This shit isnt easy at all.  It’s hard work.  Really hard!  Weight loss surgery really isnt for wussies!

So thats that, for now.  I am trying to get in all my water and protein.  Its a struggle.  I’m hating that my scale isnt moving.  And even though you cant tell by this rant I really am trying to stay positive that it will start moving again.  I just really needed to vent.  I am nearly in tears about it.

Oh and I found my camera so tomorrow I’ll try to remember to upload and post the pics.  I look horrible but whatever.  Its reality.  Its what I am trying so hard not to be anymore so those pics keep me motivated.

Rant Over.

2 Weeks Post Op

So I’m exactly 2 weeks post op.  I was really excited when I got on the scale yesterday.  I had lost a total of 38lbs.  Thats amazing!  Then this morning I get on the scale and I gained 1.6!  WTF!  How did that happen?  I’m not going to freak about it.  I know it will come back off but seriously?  How did I gain?  It must be water weight!

I was going to finally post my scary full body pics but I cant find my camera.  I had forgotten to take pics before surgery.  So we took them the day after I got home from the hospital.  I was really bloated with air and fluids they pumped in me.  So they arent a true shot of what my body really looked liked.  I looked even fatter!  Even my face was fatter.  I looked like a stuffed butterball.  Horrible I tell you.  But Hell I’m fat and look horrible anyway.  As soon as I find that damn camera I will post the pics.  I might even take some new full bodies since I’m almost 40lbs lighter!

So lets see… since my last post I watched a few movies.  I signed up with netflix to keep me entertained while I’m recovering and off of work.  I never finished the Twilight book but I figured what the hell I might as well watch the movie since I’m never going to finish the book because, well… it sucks.  Now the movie was ok.  In my opinion its not meant for adults.  I felt like I was watching a teen movie.  I would have enjoyed it much more if I was 16.  I felt the acting was horrible and the story was lacking.  It didnt really go anywhere.  Just dragged on and on like the book and then it ended.  I watched some other chick flicks but I wont get into those.

Thats it for now.  It was a boring week!

26lbs Gone Forever!

Today I am exactly 1 week post op!  I don’t have a check up with the surgeon until I’m two weeks out.  So far I’m doing really well.  Starting today I’m only taking my pain medicine at night.  It makes me really drowsy so I end up sleeping all day and night.  I’m getting around a lot better.

I have some pain in my left side but they say it will last up to 6 weeks because they had to cut through muscle to get the staple machine through to the stomach.  I’ve moved a few too many times either in the wrong direction or too quickly and felt a pain like something tearing apart my muscle inside.  So it’s caused me probably more pain that I should normally have.  I’m waiting to see the surgeon so I can talk to him about it.

I keeping thinking I’m ok so I try to do things and then my body reminds me that I need to rest so I’m trying to rest as much as possible but I cant handle sitting still for this long.

Other than that I am really good.  So far I’ve lost a total of 26lbs!  I lost 13lbs the week before I went in for this surgery and this past week after surgery I’ve lost another 13.  Seems to be my lucky number I guess.

@ Home Now

I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon.

A big thanks to of course my family but also to Joshua, Lien’s fiance Doan and my cousin Jodi for visiting me in the hospital.  The plants and flowers are beautiful.  I love them.  🙂

I’m still in pain.  Thats to be expected for a while.  They gave me some liquid vicodin.  I take about 15ml every 5 hours.  That seems to be helping a lot.

I kind of over did it today.  They say to walk as much as you can.  So I went to Costco with my mother to get some good walking in.  I think it was too much though.  I was exhausted when we got back.  So I’m going to take it easy from now on.  Just short walks every hour to keep the blood flowin.

I’ve only lost 2 lbs since the surgery but thats because I’m still so bloated with air and the IV fluids.  The scale will start moving soon enough.

So this is my diet right now…

Bfast : 1oz of chicken broth

Snack: 1 oz of sugar free jello

Lunch: 1 oz of chicken broth

Snack: 1 oz of sugar free jello

Dinner: 1 oz of chicken broth

Snack: 1 oz of sugar free jello

and sipping 1 oz of water every 10 minutes

mmmm doesnt that sound like a great meal plan! lol  It’s so crazy that it fills me up.  I actually feel like I might be over eating.  CRAZY!

So thats it for now.  I feel really good even though I’m in some pain.  I feel like everything is going the way it should.  So far I’m really happy and excited to get healed and get movin!

Oh and I took some pics today because we forgot to take my before pics the day of surgery.  My belly is so bloated that I look pregnant!  I’ll post them later.

@ The Hospital

I have such an amazing family.  My parents and sister were here with me all day yesterday.  My sister brought me her laptop to keep me busy and my mind off the pain.  She came back today to spend the day with me.  She definitely gets a gold star for being the best sister ever!

The surgery went really well.  I’m in pain but I have a high pain tolerance so its not too bad.  I’m of the morphine pump now.  I’m also off the IV.  I’m drinking water, apple and cranberry juice.  All seem to be going down well and they are keeping me walking until I pass gas. lol

So thats it for now.  I should be released to go home tomorrow.